Directions
by Leonard 356
Summary: What should have happened after Kate asked 'Where are we going' at the end of 'The Squab and the Quail'. One-shot. Complete.


**AN:** The Squab and the Quail is probably the least liked episode of the entire series. The following one shot is what should have happened at the end of this episode...

As usual, Castle and all of it's characters belong to Marlowe and ABC.

 **X-X-X**

" _ **Where are we going?"**_ In and of itself a innocent question, but given the events of the last couple of days, it might as well have been a thermo-nuclear device. Maybe that was an exaggeration, but it certainly had the power to destroy the one thing that Rick cherished more than anything except for his daughter.

Castle wasn't sure how he should respond to the question. _'Given the events of the last few days, was she really asking me this? Now?'_

Trying to play it off, he simply replied. "To the bedroom." As he led her by the hand. Her whole body stiffened at his touch and glib response, yet she followed him into the room.

They had just finished what he thought was a romantic dinner and he had planned on giving her one of his special full body massages. He would show her with actions rather than words just what she meant to him.

Kate surveyed the room filled with scented candles to help set the mood and sighed. It was a little sign, but Rick had become tuned to her reactions when she wasn't pleased with something.

Rick gestured around the room looking at her. "Something wrong with this? I thought that after this case, you deserved a little TLC, Richard Castle style." He tries to give her a smile which earns him a suspicious look from her in response.

Kate turns to face him, stopping his hands with her own from trying to remove her top. Convincing herself that now was her chance, she asks the question again. "Castle, where are _WE_ going?" There was an edge to the tone of her voice that teetered between anger and pleading.

Rick immediately dropped his hands as if burnt by her touch. He walks a few feet away from her, and tries to gain some control of his emotions that have been running a gauntlet it seems for the last couple of days. Kate is standing there, stone faced as if she is in the interrogation room working a suspect. He knows that she'll wait him out, make him talk first. He knows her routines.

Castle stops and turns to face her looking directly into her eyes. "If you asked me this question a week ago, I would have told you that I want you and I together, married, with a family. I love you more than any woman that I have ever been with.. I waited four years for you to see that.."

Kate flinched a little hearing the tone of resignation in his voice as he spoke. She braced herself for what was about to be said, knowing that her actions were responsible. "And now?"

Rick sighs out loud, searching for the words that will convey how he truly feels without setting himself up for more pain. "Now?" He lets out an exasperated laugh as he speaks. "I have no idea. I thought that we were on the same page. That you were my 'third time's a charm'. The Yin to my Yang. My soulmate, or whatever overused romantic cliché that comes to mind.."

Castle pauses, waiting to see some type of reaction from her. Instead he sees her looking at him as if she's waiting for a complete confession, like she's working a case. Rick rakes his fingers through his hair and lets out a calming breath before speaking.

"I married Meredith because I got her pregnant. We had parted ways not long after we got together a couple of times. She showed up on my doorstep three months pregnant telling me that I was the father. I wasn't ready for marriage at the time, but I agreed to do so if she didn't consider abortion. I was young and stupid, believing that we could learn to love each other. We married at City Hall two weeks later and six months after that Alexis was born.. I knew from the first moment that I held her in my arms that Alexis was the love of my life and I swore that I would do anything for her."

"At first, I thought that Meredith would be caught up in Alexis the way I was, but I was wrong. She looked for every opportunity she could to shirk from her responsibility as a mother. I became the one who got up in the middle of the night for the feedings or diaper changes. Meredith was either ill or tired. Three months after Alexis was born Meredith found out that the part she had in a soap opera had been recast with another actress. Convinced that there were no good roles for her in New York, we moved to the City of the Angels. I could write from anywhere she reasoned and I could take care of Alexis while she worked."

Castle stood there for a few seconds as he replayed the events in his mind and searched for the proper words to describe what happened next. "About six months after we moved to LA, I had to fly back to New York for meetings with my publisher. Meredith assured me that she could take care of Alexis by herself for a couple of days while I was gone. I managed to get my meetings over early and flew back on the first flight available hoping to surprise her.. We were living in a small apartment in Burbank at the time. As I neared the front door, I could hear the sound of Alexis crying. I walked past my bedroom. The door was closed but I could clearly hear Meredith. She was very loud during sex and that's exactly what it sounded like. I was too concerned about Alexis at the time and rushed to her bedroom, pulling her from the crib. Her diaper was soiled and it looked like she had been laying there for quite a while. Quickly cleaning and changing her, I walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle."

"I was sitting on the sofa feeding Alexis when the noises from the bedroom finally ended. A few minutes later, an overweight, balding, middle aged man emerges from my bedroom. He gives me a guilty look and bolts for the door. Another ten minutes elapse before Meredith comes out of the bedroom, wearing nothing but a robe. She nearly made it to the bathroom before she saw me sitting on the sofa feeding our daughter. The only thing that she said was 'You're early', as if somehow it was my fault."

"She wasn't at all surprised when I calmly told her that I wanted a divorce. In fact, she seemed pleased. When I told her that I was taking Alexis and returning to New York, that's when things got ugly. I knew that she didn't want to raise Alexis and so did she. Meredith knew that she could hurt me using Alexis as a bargaining chip.. As I only had two published novels at the time, my net worth wasn't much. My lawyer negotiated a settlement where she got nearly everything that I had at the time in exchange for full custody of Alexis." He stopped and smiled at the thought. "It was the best money I ever spent."

"I'm sorry, I.." Kate tries to speak but Castle holds up his hand halting her.

"The worst part of the entire ordeal was waiting for the results of the paternity tests to prove I was Alexis' father. I'd already made up my mind that I'd fight for her custody even if I wasn't. Being a parent has little to do with biology. I was so happy when I found out that I was Alexis' biological father, I cried. I can count the number of times that I've cried on the fingers of one hand and Alexis has been the reason for three of them."

He takes a calming breath before he continues. 'In for a penny, in for a pound' he thinks to himself. "My career took off as I started the Derrick Storm series. Fans were clamoring to learn more about the author who wrote about the super spy. Gina and Paula came up with the whole page six persona to boost sales for my books. After all, who wants to read spy novels written by a single father living with his daughter?"

"The next thing I know, I'm at all of the hottest nightclubs, some 'celebutante' hanging off my arm, trying to do something that will make the tabloids the next day. What they didn't know was that most of the time when I left a party early with some bimbette, I was really taking them back to their place so I could go home and be with Alexis."

By now Kate is no longer standing as she had moved to the armchair near the bed. She patiently waits for Castle to continue..

"I literally became two separate people. There was the Page Six playboy womanizing narcissist that the public saw and the lonely single parent that only Alexis and my mother knew. Even Gina and Paula started to believe in my fake identity. Time passes and I realize that the only woman that I spent any time with that wasn't related to me was Gina. She liked the idea of dating Page Six Rick. Liked being seen at all of the right parties with all of the right people. Gina fell in love with the persona and I wanted Alexis to have a mother figure in her life as Meredith never seemed to be available."

"The next thing I know, I'm married to Gina. It didn't take long before we both recognize that we made a huge mistake. To her credit, Gina tried to bond with Alexis, but by then I had become so protective of her that I wouldn't let anyone get close. Soon she understands that the real Richard Rodgers bore little resemblance to Rick Castle that the public saw. It didn't take very long before she started coming home from work later and later. We stopped having sex and I knew that she was cheating on me. I didn't need to catch her in the act, I could see it in her eyes." Rick pauses and looks directly into Kate's eyes as if to prove his point.

"Mother moving in with me was the final nail in the coffin for Gina. The next thing I know she's sending me divorce papers. Seeking to hurt me for my apparent indifference, she goes into graphic detail about her infidelity while she was married. Wanting to hurt her where it counted the most, I killed off Derrick Storm. He'd been her meal ticket as she rose to power at Black Pawn and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. I didn't care if I ever wrote again.."

Castle finally takes a seat on the side of the bed so he can face her as he speaks. "I take fidelity seriously. I would never allow myself to be responsible for a woman cheating on her boyfriend or spouse. You knew that I was crazy about you for years yet I never pressed the issue when you were with Demming or Davidson. In fact, I backed away when I thought that you and Tom were becoming serious.."

"After our 'pretend' kiss that ended up saving Kevin and Javi, I never wanted to break my own rule more in my life. But I wouldn't do that to Josh. All I could do was wait and hoped that you'd see I was there for you.."

"That's how I knew that you were lying to me when you told me that Vaughn's kiss meant nothing.. I'd seen that look before.. It took four years before you _really_ kissed me. You were with Vaughn for four hours.. The Kate Beckett that I know doesn't allow anything to happen unless she wants it.." Castle's whole body seems to deflate as he accepts his words as fact. "And after that you ask me where we are going?"

Kate sits there in stunned silence as she tries to process everything Castle has confessed. His childish act had provoked her into doing something so cruel and stupid that she may lose the only man that she has ever truly loved. _'No, we've come to far to let something so stupid be what brings it to an end.'_ She thinks to herself. She silently curses Meredith for planting the seeds of doubt with her. How she had let those doubts grow and fester in her mind with each passing day. Kate realizes that how she responds in the next few minutes will possibly effect the rest of her life. 'It's time to fold or go all in.' She whispers to herself.

She pushes herself up out of the chair and quietly approaches the spot where Rick is sitting on the side of the bed. She kneels down in front of him as he continues to stare at the carpet. Kate places her hands on his knees giving them a squeeze. "Rick, look at me please." The pleading tone of her voice forces him to look at her.

"I may never be able to convince you that what I said about kissing Vaughn is true and for that I am truly sorry. I wish I could take it back but I can't. I was so mad at you for how you seemed to care more about some video game than you did me.." Castle starts to say something, but Kate places her fingertips on his lips forcing him to remain silent.

"Your rejection brought out all of my insecurities about myself. How broken I am.. Then we pick up the Vaughn case.. Lanie went on and on about what a catch he was. Hell even you were impressed with him. Gates sticks me with being his personal bodyguard. I was embarrassed and felt like I was being demoted. Vaughn tells me that he specifically asked for me to be his bodyguard. Part of me was angry, but another part was flattered that a man like him was interested in someone like me. We talked about my job and then he asked about us, where our relationship was at. Still feeling angry and insecure after your rejection, I told him that I didn't know.."

She can feel Castle's whole body tense as he attempts to push himself up from the bed to get away from her. Kate returns her hands to his knees pressing down to keep him sitting where he is. "Oh no you don't. I've finally worked up the courage to speak, so you're going to listen." Her voice carried a confidence that she didn't really have at the moment. She prayed Rick would listen and that she wouldn't screw this up.

Castle returns to the same position he was in before with a defeated sigh.

"When Vaughn heard me say that I didn't know about our relationship, he must have assumed that it was I that was having doubts.. He then started telling me just how special he thought I was.. I remembered you telling me that you were jealous of Vaughn and for a brief moment, let all my insecurities and my childish desire to get even with you for your rejection take over.. I let Vaughn kiss me.."

Castle pulls her hands from his knees as if they are scalding him. He rises to his feet and quickly moves to the door, a look of utter betrayal on his face. "I can't be here, not now." He reaches for the door just as Kate springs to her feet and runs to stop his retreat.

"You promised to hear me out.. If you still want to leave after I finish, then I'll let you.. Please?" Kate was nearly in tears as she places her hand on top of his as he held the door knob. She strokes his hand as he releases his grip on the knob. There was an extended pause as she regained her composure. Kate looked at the defeated expression on Castle's face and knew that she better get this right.

"I lied to you Rick about the kiss meaning nothing.. That kiss made me realize just how much I love you.. How even a billionaire philanthropist like Vaughn will never measure up to you.. That you are my one and done.. The moment that it happened, I knew what a mistake I made ever doubting your love for me.. I immediately pushed him away from me and that saved his life."

Kate pauses to see if anything that she has just confessed is registering with Rick. Although his face remains the same, she can see a small glimmer in his eyes that gives her the courage to continue. "You've risked your life for me more times than I care to admit. You were the one thing that made we want to get better when I'd given up after being shot. You stood on a bomb with me when everyone else had given up.. I love you Richard Castle. You promised me always and I intend to hold you to that.."

"I asked where are we going because I was afraid that you came to your senses and saw me as broken as I see myself.. That you didn't see a future with me and were too embarrassed to tell me.." Kate looks into his blue eyes and sees that he is fighting back his own tears now. She lets go of his hand and turns to walk away satisfied that she has said everything that she could.

Kate is no more than two feet away from him when she feels Castle's firm grip on her wrist halting her withdrawal. He pulls her body flush against his, her lack of high heels places her head against his chest. "Oh no you don't!" Castle almost growls as he wraps his arms around her tightly. "I love you and when I promised you always I meant it. I thought that you were tired of me and I was too much of a coward to tell you where I wanted us to be. You've always been the one that's controlled the pace of our relationship. You decided when we finally got together, not me. If it would have been up to me, we would have started a relationship after our first case. I knew the moment I met you that you were extraordinary and I was willing to wait." He leans down and places a gentle kiss on her lips as he releases her from his hold.

Castle walks the short distance to his nightstand, opening the top drawer and withdrawing the blue velvet box. He walks back to where Kate is standing, staring at him as he drops to one knee. "You first asked me where we were going right after Meredith was here. I bought this right after you asked. I knew then where I wanted us to be, but I was afraid of rushing things. I was terrified of making the the same mistakes that I made in the past.. I've never cared about any woman the way I feel about you.. And I always will." Castle opens the box holding the 3 karat solitaire and Kate gasps at the sight, not believing what was happening.

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

"Do I still get a full body massage?" Kate asks with a sultry smile as she extends her left hand to him.

"I'll be your masseuse with 'benefits'.." Rick replies as he slips the ring on her extended hand.

"Then yes, Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle, yes I will marry you.."

END


End file.
